the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
