If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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