just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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