There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
