i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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