ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
