I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
