He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
