just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
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Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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