when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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