Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
