My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
