I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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