We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
