Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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