all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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