I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
