the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
