This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
