Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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