Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
