i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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