i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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