Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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