the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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