I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
