he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
