She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
