That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
