There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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