you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
the raccoons are back...
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