I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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