That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
