but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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