My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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