imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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