the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
