what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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