I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
