Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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