Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
