I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
