In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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