I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize