ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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