ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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