You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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