Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
