SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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