I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
