I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
