I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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