That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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