wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
