NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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