fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
