you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian