i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.