Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.