Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.