i wish starbucks made bloody marys
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..