I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart