And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?