She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.