My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
