Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
