so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
