..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
