I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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