Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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