watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
my poor anus
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
