literally had 100 drinks last night.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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