I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
organizing the empties. That sober.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
