Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
