I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
