Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
