shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
