You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Randomize
