i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
