you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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