ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
