She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just had sex on a roof
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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