I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
