My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
