you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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