Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
