wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
