I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
