his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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