I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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